It's almost midnight, which means Mother's Day is only minuets away. Im laying in bed, crying, because that's what I do when I think about not having you here with me. I cry, mostly at night, when everyone is asleep. I just miss you & somehow the tears just run down my face.
I think about all the times I know you cried yourself to sleep, worried about your babies. With five kids, I know you must have cried many times that I wasn't even aware of. I am also thinking of the times I made you cry and I knew it - like when I boarded a plane at 16 years old to be an exchange student to Russia. I don't think you really understood why I wanted to go -but you let me go - knowing it was something I needed to do for me. You cried with me many nights, as I figured out how to get out of a bad relationship, and face the world alone as a single mom of two boys. You cried when all three of our my babies were born. You were so proud of your grand babies. I remember you crying at my wedding. You were so happy that I had found my soulmate with Alex. You knew he would love me and our boys forever.
I sit here thinking about how you would be crying right beside me, right now. You would not want me crying over missing you. That year - not so long ago - that was the hardest year of my life? There were many times you would crawl into my bed and cry with me, because thats all we could do.
Tonight, though - I can close my eyes and feel you rubbing my back, reassuring me that everything is happening the way God intends it to. You are reminding me that I am not alone because you are always in my heart.
Well, Momma. I will wipe away my tears and remember the three decades of Mother's Day that we had together. And I will give thanks to God for blessing me with a Momma who had a heart so gentle and loving that she was not afraid to cry over those she loved.
Happy Mother's Day, Momma.