Its been 2555 days since my daughter was born.

That's 7 years.

And I have never put her birth story down, until now.

To adequately tell Marcy's story, I have to back up and tell you things that happened before she was born. Alex and I were newly married, and my doctor told us that getting pregnant was not a good idea, because of the complications I had when John was born. We were crushed but accepted it. We were happy. The doctor explained that we would not be able to carry a pregnancy to term & I would have a big chance of not making it through the pregnancy either. So we had no intention of getting pregnant. Alex went as far as getting fixed, because he did not want to take a risk.

Twelve weeks later, we find out that we are expecting. And I was 14 weeks along.

Happy does not even cover the emotions we felt. From the first moment, we knew we were having a girl. There was never any doubt. Immediately we named our baby Marcy, after Alex's best friend, Marcie. So, like any newly pregnant mom, we scheduled our first OB appointment. At that first appointment, my doctor encouraged us to think about 'terminating' the pregnancy soon, because of the risk. Of course, this was never a real option for us. God had blessed us with our baby & we were going to keep her. That was the first and last time at that doctor. We then found a high risk OB and started seeing him. He was a God fearing doctor and understood that this child as a blessing.

Now, because I was high risk, I had to go to the OB doctor every week for a checkup, just so my doctor could keep his eye on me. My due date was the last day of September (though, at one time, I was measuring for a due date in October). Weird story: my mom came in June to help out with the boys. We were sitting around, taking 'bets' on when I would deliver. My mom said mid Sept., Alex thought maybe his birthday. I guessed July 22. We circled it in red on the calendar. Everyone laughed, never thinking it would come true. Also in June, my OB went ahead and started me on steroids to help Marcy's lungs. What a blessing this was. I was also put on bed rest - though, it wasn't a strict rest...I could get up and move, but I needed to really take it easy. I wasn't worried - the boys always go to their dads for the month of July so I was planning on vegging out the whole month.

Fast forward to July 22. I had a regular checkup that day. I was the last appointment. In and out in about 30 minuets, I had gone to this appointment by myself. Normally Alex went with me to all of them, but for some reason, he couldn't make it. During my appointment, the Dr assured me that everything was good and sent me home. On the way home, I went by Walmart - we needed just a few things & I wanted to get some items to start packing my hospital bag. I remember talking to Alex on my cell phone, telling him I felt weird. He told me to go home and rest & he would be home at his regular time (he worked the 4pm to 11 pm shift). It was about 6:30 when we hung up. I checked  out, and then went home.

By the time I got home...it was about a 10 minuet drive...I was weak and couldn't get groceries out of the car. Nothing was really wrong, that I could tell. I just didn't feel good. I went in and laid on the couch. I fell asleep for a few minuets, and woke up around 8:45.

When I woke up, I was bleeding - not a lot a first. I had spotted earlier in my pregnancy and figured that I must have done too much. I got up to go call the doctor, just to be on the safe side.

And right then, I knew something was wrong. As I stood up, blood would gush out. But if I sat down, it would stop. I called Dr Diaz, and he told me to get Alex to bring me to the hospital for a check. He didn't think it was really something to freak out about, but he still wanted to see me. So I called Alex at work. By now, it was about 9:15. Alex didn't answer his office phone, so I called the security desk and had them track him down.

While I was waiting for Alex to call back, I remember calling my mom & dad. From what I have figured out, I must have been passing out from blood loss. When Alex got home, I was on the living room floor, in a puddle of blood. Alex says it reminds him of a stabbing scene. He scooped me up & got me to the car. I remember being awake for the ride to the hospital - I was convinced they were going to just send me home.

We arrived at the Maternity ward. I remember Alex carrying me in his arms the whole way. He would not put me in a wheelchair - he practically ran down the halls with me in his arms. Alex saw an empty hospital room, so he dumped me into the bed and screamed for a nurse. Luckily my doctor was still on the maternity floor so he came in. He took one look at me, and he jerked the cords off of the monitors, grabbed my nurse and away we went. We were having a baby, even if she was way too early. Most of this I do not remember, as I was passing in and out of conscience. Alex said they made his stay in the hall while they wheeled me to the OR.

All I remember is a nurse - who was a cancer patient herself with a bald head - stand over me, trying to calm me down as they prepped me for an emergency c-section. She was an angel. She prayed for me and I remember her telling me that she knew I was a christian and that God would see me through this - no matter what the outcome was. And then I passed out for the final time.

Once I was ready in the ER, they came back and got Alex. He says he has never been more scared. He thought I had died, and he wasn't sure Marcy would make it. Because we had no time to call anyone (my parents were on their way from Nara Visa, but they were still an hour away), he was alone. And scared. He says he remembers praying to God to just let us live.

And God did. Marcy was delivered at 11:17pm - alive, but so incredibly small. She weighed in just a hair over 3 pounds. Alex says he could only see Marcy's leg, before the NICU nurses and NICU doctors started working on her. She was so small, and was having trouble breathing. Within just a couple of minuets, they had to take her to the NICU.

Alex says the first thing I asked when I woke up, almost 15 hours later. I asked if she had made it, and he says I cried when he said yes.

Sadly, there in not much of this night I actually remember on my own. I had lost so much blood - I had to have many transfusions. Marcy was in the NICU for over 110 days. Her lungs were not ready yet, and she had a small hole in her heart, but she was perfect.

She had Alex's smile, and my nose. She also had the sweetest little birth mark on her behind that still makes me grin when I think about it.

We didn't have the happy ending that we thought we would. Marcy did get to come home from the NICU but her time with us was short. She went home to Jesus one week short of her 7 month birthday.  Everything with our daughters life happened in God's time.

Today has been one of the hardest birthday's yet. Grief is kinda weird. Just when you think you have a handle on it, it slaps you in the face & then kicks you in the stomach. The only thing that has kept me going today is knowing I am 7 years closer to holding my baby girl. I am clinging to the hope...the promise...that she is in Heaven, and one day, we will be together again.