I haven't blogged my heart lately....and well, because of things going on in my life is making me have no creativity, at all. Hence no new blog posts.

1. Three weeks ago my twin brother Michael went back over to Afghanistan. He's been before, but this time he had to leave his wife and boys. I am trying not to worry about him but well, its just hard not too. I totally get why he wanted to go, but it just doesn't make it any easier.

2. My boys are getting so big. And smart.  Ben is almost as tall as I am and he is such a good kid. I say 'kid' because in just over a month, he will be turning 13. Life is moving crazy fast. John turns 11 at the end of the month and well, he is giving us attitude at every turn. Its a stage - I know - but I cannot wait till he out grows it!

3. I'm losing weight! Yay! Ten pounds down so far. I've hired a trainer and am working out with him 2 days a week, and running three days a week. Its been hard, but little by little I am shaping up. Ive got the exercise part down - now I need to conquer NOT eating out all week long.

4. There is a big, large pink elephant, sitting right on top of my heart. The real reason I have not been creative in the past month. I've cried daily over this, but still just cant wrap my head and heart around it. I hesitate to post what is going on, but after some prayer, I have decided to share whats truly going on. No judging, please. I am the youngest of 5 kids. My middle sister is a prescription drug addict. She's gone to rehab, multiple times. She's tried therapy. Nothing has worked. She hasn't been able to beat it yet. Well, now she is sitting in jail, with felonies, waiting on a trial. She is losing her husband, ,her son. Her home. Her life as she knew it. She has caused our family so much pain, this past month, doing things I never truly dreamed possible. I ache for my sister - she used  to be my best friend. Now, I don't recognize her. She manipulates my parents, her husband. I know she is making these horrible choices because of the drugs, I get that. But it still hurts. A deep, raw hurt. My sister isn't the stereotypical drug user. She is upper middle class, white, stay at home mom. She is educated. A Christian. A volunteer. She has a son the same age as my boys. I just don't get it and I know no amount of tears will get her clean. Honestly, in some regards, it almost feels like a death in our family. We can't just pick up the phone and call to talk to each other. No more texts. No more visits to Lubbock to share dinner and go shopping. One day we are telling our brother goodbye as he leaves for another country, and the next, I get a phone call that our family's world is upside down. I have probably said too much, information that is too personal. If so, I am incredibly sorry. But the thing is, I just have to let some of this out. To 'voice' my hurt, my disappointment, in hopes of breaking through my creative block.

Thanks for indulging me this personal post. Its been hard to type, but I know just getting some of this off my mind, my heart, will help.